Tu hi to mera dost hai....

We don't speak much, we hardly meet, we stay miles apart but still I know that I can call you even at wee hours if I have a problem, I know that even if the world is against me you would be there for me, I know even if I do something drastically wrong you would forgive me, I know that its not necessary to write these things cos we connect so well that even the unspoken is understood....still I want to write this, I want the world to know that you are my best friend and I love you a lot.

I don't care what people think about our friendship, I wont give them a shit...its just that I need you and cant do without you. Cos you are the only person I go running to for every single problem of mine be it regarding my love, career or family.

Just be there for me cos tu hi to mera dost hai.
Raja you are one of the most beautiful gift God has given to me and I am really lucky to have got a friend like you.
Jaane kyun..dil janta hai..tu hai to I'll be alright. :-)

Just like that...

Today I read few lines which I found to be very very true...just sharing them...

Don't let someone become a priority in your life,
When you are just an option in their life...

Relationships work the best when they are balanced.

Kaash

Kaash... Hum keh paate dil ki har baat,
Labon se na to ankhon se hi sahi...
Kaash tum padh lete meri un ankhon ko,
To sapne hote in mein shayad ansu nahi...

:D

Its really amusing that how I am posting all this crap in between my training. The moment my trainer comes I have to minimise the window. No wonder how good the finacle training has turned out to be. Hehehehe.

And it continues....

Suggestions are always more in supply than in demand....defying all laws of economics.
People suggest us on every possible thing and every possible aspect of life. Be it from the food we should eat. to the outfit we should wear, to the doctor we should consult, to the place we should visit for a holiday, to the magazine we should read and everything. Some people dont even refrain themselves from suggesting on personal issues and life.

Suggestion are helpful at times as we get to know many things but sometimes it may even get on the nerves. People without understanding the sensitivity of the situation and without realising the dilemma you are into when shower you with unnecessary suggestions it becomes difficult to take it.

Life would have been very easy if it would have been the way it looks from a distance.....but its far too complicated to understand when it comes to relationships and certain issues.

My life is mine, I know its precious but then its not always intentional..the mess we make out of it. Sometimes things just happens and we dont even realise until deep into the muddle. It happens with everyone....even the ones who come and give suggestions. If they look quietly into the mirror..their life may seem to be far more messy and complicated than ours.

One more thing..it might be easy to hate than to love but then who wants to travel the easier ways of life. Am absolutely fine travelling the difficult ways.
I would continuing loving you...Pls dont suggest me not to do that.

For the one who knows its for her !!!

Wo insaan hi kya jo galti na kare... Yes, I too am not an error free person, maine bhi galtiyan ki hain but then I have always mustered enough courage to apologize and say sorry.

Someone said it very right "One of the most difficult things to say is 'I am sorry'"
Angrez bhale hi sorry chhor gaye ho par sorry kehne ka jigar nahi chhor gaye!!!!

Kisine yeh bhi sach kaha hai ki maafi maangne wale se badha hota hai maaf karne wala.
Mera dil badha tha ki maine apni galti ki maafi mangi par jis tarah bhagwan sabko height nahi deta, maaf karne k liye badha dil bhi nahi deta.

Sorry might not change anything for few people but for some sorry changes a lot of things if it is properly said. I cannot hold grudges against a person for long, but some people love to do it. They will keep all the animosity inside their heart and will hurt themselves by remembering it time and again. I wonder ki unke paas aur koi kaam nahi hota kya? Agar maaf kar k bhula diya hota to khud bhi khush hote aur dusron ko bhi khush rehne dete. Well its their choice.

I love to smile and love it when people smile back at me...but some people...Gosh. Lagta hai unhe hasne par bhi tax lagta hai. 'Keep smiling' jaisa beautiful phrase bhi unhe misleading lagta hai.Bhagwaan aise logon ko dil khol kar hasne ki takat de.

Maine kisiko apna friend samjha so I apologized to her for my act but if the concerned person doesnt even try to understand a word instead thinks that everything is cooked up then fuck off,I wont give it a damn. You didnot even deserve my friendship, forget apology.I take back my apology and I confess that if I missed you then I missed the wrong person.

I pray to God that He puts you into a similar situation honey...where you try to apologize for a misunderstanding cropped up due to some act of yours and your apology is mocked at and is unheard just as the way was mine. Tell me then how it feels.

Apology!!!

There are times when we regret some act of ours. Its my time to regret an act of mine. Something that I did in a fit of emotion. Something which has hurt a friend deeply and her pain has hurt me deeply.
Wish life had a 'restore' option and we could get back to a time in past and start afresh.
I know I can never say you this dear friend but I need to apologize, I am sorry that I have hurt you though I had no such intentions. Sometimes things just happen and you dont have a control over it...that night I lost my the control over my mind and broke the promise made to you.
I know I have lost you...you have all the reasons to hate me....you will never ever trust me or speak to me. Punish me in every possible way that you can but dont suspect my intentions to befriend you. You will always be special to me and I just want to see you happy. Keep smiling!!!
I will miss you.

:-(

Tum hamare nahi to kya gum hai??
Hum tumhare to hain, yeh kya kam hai...

????

My new office is cool. The people, colleagues, bosses are co-operative, cordial and warm. The company is a reputed one. The salary is way better than before. The pantry has a better vending machine that can make tea and coffee of 5 different flavours.The washroom is cleaned 3 times a day.The staffs are offered cold drinks and snacks on a few days of the week.
The ACs work all the time even at power-cuts unlike my previous office. The system is fast and my desk is at a corner which gives me th required privacy. The work pressure is considerably less and I even get back home earlier than what I used to in my last company.
Everything seems to be getting right.I should have been more than happy to get this job at my hometown. Mom serves tea in the morning, packs lunch. What more can one ask from life? Such a hassle free life isn't it?
Then why am I not happy. What's stopping me to savour the fruits of all the hard work that I have put all these years? Why am I not satisfied? What am I searching for? Is this what I wanted? Is this the thing I will have to settle for? Why these question fill my mind all the time? where can I have an answer to these stupid, silly questions that clouds my mind and steal the equanimity. I am so tired, so damn tired. Is it so difficult to be happy???

Ever wondered????

Ever wondered how it feels if your position in a person's life changes overnight??
Someone who till yesterday was so close to you, who made you feel that without you his/her life was incomplete. Someone who loved you till yesterday so dearly that you felt on the top of the world. Someone whom you learned to love after witnessing his/her love. Someone who made you feel special, who made you feel that you too are desirable.

What happens when the person and all the feelings changes overnight???
Does life come to a standstill? Does that stop you from loving him/her??
Does it make you feel unimportant and insignificant???

Ever wondered how it would have felt????

Confession

I hate changing myself for someone. I am what I am and will continue to be so. If somebody wants to love me he/she has to accept me the way I am.
I am like grains of sand....the more you want to hold me inside your hand..the faster I will slip out from the gaps between your fingers.
I don't give a shit to what people think about me...you might think I have an attitude problem or I am a snob..I don't mind..This is the way I am and this is my world, my space.

Fuck Off....if you want to change me!!!!

NIGHT SKY

The night sky is so beautiful...................
I had almost forgot how the sky looks like at night.Though an insomniac I remain awake till late hours but I have never bothered to have a glimpse of the sky at night.My late night activities mainly are surfing the net for some bizzare things or pressing the remote of the TV till my thumb starts hurting or just lying down on the couch with my ipod and a book as my only companions.These gadgets and gizmos has taken me far away from nature and its enigmatic beauties.
Last night when I got pissed off with the same old movies and shows on the television and my ipod and computer too failed to lure me I decided to go to the terrace and breathe in some fresh air.This was something I was going to do after ages.sounds funny na???I know it is but this is how my life has become off late.

Well,the first thing I felt when I climbed the last step to my terrace was peace.It was dark,quiet and soo soothing out there that I forgot all my woes and worries within seconds.I paced all over the terrace over and over again and was enthralled by something......I dont know what.I was all alone there and the estranged feeling gave me much comfort.In many years for the first time I felt that I was being myself.........out of the cobwebs of relationships, attachments, expectations, social responsibilities..............blah blah.............phew.
I realised that its important to have time for the ownself.Some little space to breathe,to relax.to chill,time to empty the brain from all thoughts,time to just lie down and stare the night sky.
Everything so beautiful,so mystical..........the clouds,the moon,the stars,the constellations,everything around.
Peace.......eternal peace........few hours there alone and it feels like eternity.
The night sky is so beautiful........

Am sorry that I killed You

On a bright sunny afternoon I heard a loud cry out of the kitchen.I rushed inside to find my mom standing at the corner with a a frightened expression on her face.In her hand she held a long-handled spoon as if it were a weapon for self defense.Bewildered as I asked her what was wrong,she pointed towards the cabinet door of the kitchen.As I examined that area I found a small mice cornered below the cabinet door.The mice cowed out of my mother's shout was trying to hide itself below the cabinet door.It was that cute small rodent that frightened my mother and as I tried to catch hold of it,it jumped over me and quickly ran out of the kitchen.I was nowhere near to its swiftness and all attempts to catch it went in vain.So,my mother finally accepted the fact that she was sharing her flat with an unwelcomed guest......Mr.Jerry,the mice.Yes, I decided to call it Jerry as no name on Earth would be more suitable for him.

As Jerry became familiar with every room and corner of our home complains of his mischiefs from my mother became frequent.His favourite place in the house was undoubtedly the kitchen where he would find ample to eat.My mother refused to share her territory (the kitchen ofcourse) with an outsider and often cursed the rodent in fits of anger.She was helpless as she always failed to catch hold of it and we were too lazy to venture into another attempt.No fooditems,clothes,shoes could be kept out due to the menace as he seem to try tasting every item that came his way.My mom's expensive saree,my younger brother's sneakers,fruits and cakes on the dinig tables were all his victims and they finally took refuge into almirhas,cabinets and refrigarators.

Neighbours suggested of various rat-killers available in the market but my mom was dead against using those.She didnt want to kill the freind/pet of Lord Ganesha.She just wanted to throw the rodent out of the house so that it can never return.This seemed to be an impossible task as nobody was able to catch him.
Days passed,months passed and Jerry became a unwanted though active member of our household.He never came out during the day or when we were around.His best time was during the night when everybody was asleep.He strolled around the house as a king.My mother stopped complaining as she accepted the rodent as a member though unwanted it was.Even the rodent seemed to learn the ways of our house and created lesser havocs and was no more a menace.

One night I got off from my sleep to drink water.I avoid putting on the lights in the middle of the night as it may disturb others.After drinking water While I ws returning to my room in the darkness I felt something below my right feet,as if I had stepped on something.I rushed toward he switchboard and awitched on the light.To my utter astonishment it was the mice.In the darkness I had stepped over it and unable to bear my weight it lied motionless.I screamed out of fear loud enough to wake my parents.As they came rushing they saw the lifeless jerry lying on the floor,bleeding from the nose.My father broke the silence first........'its dead'.Unknowingly,I had killed the cute little mice.Tears rolled down my cheeks as I saw my dad lifting the dead Jerry by its tail.Finally we could catch hold of him........when he was dead.I felt miserable after that incident........like a killer.My mom consoled me saying that it was just an accident and not intentional.I knew that it was just an accident but the cute,little things was no more.I prayed to God asking him to forgive me for this stupid act of mine and promised Him to be careful in the future.My brothers said 'Didi,stop being a drama queen,its just a mice'.They mocked and laughed at me.

I know it was just a mice but even then I never wanted to kill it.Life is precious for every creature.Be it a mice or humans.We dont have any right to kill anybody untill it troubles us reasonably.Jerry didnt trouble me in any way.Unknowingly I have committed a sin and may God forgive me for that.

CUSTOMER FIRST

During my 3 yrs stint at my work I have been close to life.Interacting with people was my job and in this process everyday I used to come across poeple of diffrent ages,diffrent backgrounds,diffrent culture and diffrent nature.Some were gentle,some were polite,some rude,some irate,some courteous,some sophisticated,some rustic,some eversmiling and so many of them that kept me wondering that how diverse humans are.


In a service sector customers are the insignia and from the very first day were trained in customers first to attain a paragon of customer satisfaction.We were supposed to be extremely polite and courteous with a helpful humane touch.Sporting a 'how can I help you?' grin all the time was a must.Everyday we had a morning meeting when all the employees gathered in the backoffice for 10 minutes to discuss the actionables for the day.It consisted of a verbose lecture by our boss on targets not being met and the omnipresent 'CUSTOMER SATISFACTION'.


'Professionals should behave the way they should and not the way they like' was his favorite one liner which we were sick of hearing.His soporific lectures did nothing good but robbed us of our zeal with which otherwise we could have started our day.At times the doses beacme so heavy that we colleagues often discussed within ourselves that are we employees of a reputed organisation or mere servants of the masses.


Though this infliction initially compelled us to behave in a way we were asked to,it was not long before that things started going haywire.Under the immense pressure we often forgot that customer is always right and went a far too ahead at times to prove our point right.

Interacting with 1000-1200 customers daily we had no time to breathe and very soon the archetypal lectures and training sessions were obliterated.The grin was replaced by usual grimace.

The final contigency was that vociferous arguments,blatant gestures,implacable grumbles were regular occurance at the bank.

Be it the impatient nature of the obstreperous customers who werent ready to wait for their turn to be served or some foolish urge of their's which for the bank was impossible to entertain.....the result was cacophonous heated discussions.


Whenever such an incident occured other employees spurted in support of the involved colleague making the concerned customer feel so puny and vanquished that he never dared to say a word in future.The placard with 'we care' hung mokingly on the wall.

Its not that we didnot care.We cared but only for people who were deserved to be cared.We never cared for bumptious,rude people who had this notion that employees of a service sector were their own servants.

Care.love,respect,kindness all are very abstract terms but one thing thats sure about these terms is that they can neither be commanded nor being forced or imposed.They have to be earned and no training and lecture is required for extending these qualities to a person who deserves.

Of Sherlock Holmes and meditation

Reading has been one of my passions since childhood.When I read a book I am completely engrossed into it.The characters,the happenings in the book so take my fancy that I keep thinking about them all day,all night long.Finishing off a book doesnt avert me from reading it again and again upto n number of times if I like the book.



One such all time favorite book of mine has been 'The adventures of Sherlock Holmes" by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.If you are a adventure and mystry lover the book is a 'must-read' for you.The emphatic language of the author and the vivid descriptions keeps you glued to it.The neat ways in which each character is carved by Sir Doyle and the mesmerising ways by which the plot thickens upto climax keeps me asking for more everytime I read it.Its an absolute paisa wasool.


What captivates me more than the book is the character of Sherlock Holmes and his uncanny methods of reasoning.The bumpkin appearance of the lanky man can easily deceive any person.But once u know him,his razor sharp mind and extraordinary capabilities of reasoning and perspicaciousness remains silhoutted against his misleading appearance.
Sherlock Holmes could always see things that his friend Watson and officers of scotland yards were unable to see.So what was special about Mr.Holmes???Did he posses any supernatural power or did he have X-ray eyes which pierced into things for better understanding?The answer is a big NO.
Sherlock Holmes was an ordinary man,just like any of us but what made him diffrent was his observations.His passions of looking things minutely and relating small them gave him an extra edge.Nothing was trifle for him as nothing could ever escape the vicinity of his eyes.
Reasoning abilities are not inherent but it can be developed with a little excercise of the brain and a little bit of serious observation.

People may argue that Sherlock Holmes was fictitous but even in real life havent we seen or heard people who were known for espial abilities?We have heard of docotrs who could just see their patient and tell about the disease they were suffering from.There are plethora of such instances that has always intrigued me.

As my interest was aroused I myself thought of trying this.A detailed observation was all that required and I thought that I could too become the modern Sherlock Holmes.But what I discovered was that detailed observation was a very 'abstract term'.Your mind has to be concentrated for doing that sort of observation and you have to give your mind some sort of extra dose.I tried many things but didnt find solace.Just as I was going haywire in search of that extra pabulum the old remedy struck to my mind.I wonder why I didnot get to this method before as this an age old excercise for the mind and I have been hearing about this from my very childhood days.Cummon guys it is no rocket science.....its our very own meditation.

Nothing cant be more salubrious for the mind than meditation.It refreshes the soul and helps in the atonement of the mind.After trying it I not only started feeling more confidant and invigorated but also more zealous.After trying it for a couple of days I felt that it helped me connect with my eternal God much easily and helped me attain a certain level of equanimity.I was more active mentally and felt a new zest of life in everything I did and certainly I developed the knack of detailed observation with certain level of mental acumen.Now I can easily notice things that remains unnoticed to people around me though there is still a long way to go before I become the modern Sherlock Holmes.

But I know that like english wine I would be better with time with my newly discovered mantra.

Now I wonder why Shelock Holmes while solving those labyrinth cases often confined himself into his room without uttering a single word for days.Seems that he too tried to find some ray hope amidst the pitch dark surroundings by doing this mental excercise....MEDITATION.

Nobody knows........

A culture called humanity

The recent incidents of violent mobs lynching youths caught in criminal offense has put me to think that 'is this humanity?' Agreed that the incidents were not of mere peccadillos but some serious offense but the ways the miscreants were treated questioned our humanity and morality.To my utter surprise the caretakers of the law were found accomplice in the henious acts.

What is the reason for this barbarism???Why is it happening so often that an unruly mob is running amok...taking laws in their hands...not waiting for any system of laws to provide justice.

Has the so called system of judiciary lost its charm in the rigmaroles of formalites???Have people lost their faith on the system of laws which has compelled them to
act in such violent way??

Or is it that we have become so mechanical these days that the we have lost the very trait of
our nature i.e humanity???

Perhaps it is both the reasons but the latter one can pose serious thretas to our existence.

In John Cameroonn's Terminator,Arnold Schwazeneggar playing the title role once said that 'I can never understand why you humans cry and how do you feel the pain.'

Are we in the process of turning into such fleshy terminators for whom the feeling of
empathy,love,sympathy doent exist at all.If it continues this way its not late that we would
become 'humanity less human terminators and the world will be be a battlefield.' The abstract nouns like peace,love,kindness,care,empathy would lose it meanings and would
gradually be removed from the dictionary.

An age old adage says that 'HUMANITY IS NOT HEREDETARY.TO IMBIBE THIS TRAIT ONE HAS TO CULTURE IT.'
So true.we have stopped culturing humanity and so we are on the verge of becoming 'humanity less humans'.
Think about it or such savage incidents will follow.

HABIT V/S WILL POWER

While preparing for CAT one thing that I have discoverd is that MAN IS NOT THE SLAVES OF HIS HABITS AS LONG AS HE HAS A STRONG WILL POWER.Though he has the advantage of changing his habits with the help of his will power he seldom does so.

One of my 24 yr old habit was to wake up late in the morning.After leaving school I dnt remeber a single day of my life when I woke up before 7:30 am.The nursery rhyme 'Early to bed a early to rise' was a distant dream.

But in the process of preparation..when I found muself way behind other competitors...in a mocking state...I thought to myself that I need to pull up my socks to be a part of the rat race .......that was to bell the CAT.And for that the first thing that i felt was to change my habits...and be a bit disciplined.With discipline comes sincerity and with that comes success and thats what i wanted.

So it was necessary for me to set a routine for myself with my day beginning at 5:30.Initial hurdles were there in following my routine but I was determined.And to my utter disbelief I have been successful in my venture as its 5:30 that my day starts everyday and that too without any problems.

Seems such a trifle thing to discuss???Well not a bad thing to begin with.After all,our mastery in such trifle things lays the foundation to a ineffable deeds.

We are humans.We cant become GOD.........but at least try and become GOD of small things.