Apology!!!

There are times when we regret some act of ours. Its my time to regret an act of mine. Something that I did in a fit of emotion. Something which has hurt a friend deeply and her pain has hurt me deeply.
Wish life had a 'restore' option and we could get back to a time in past and start afresh.
I know I can never say you this dear friend but I need to apologize, I am sorry that I have hurt you though I had no such intentions. Sometimes things just happen and you dont have a control over it...that night I lost my the control over my mind and broke the promise made to you.
I know I have lost you...you have all the reasons to hate me....you will never ever trust me or speak to me. Punish me in every possible way that you can but dont suspect my intentions to befriend you. You will always be special to me and I just want to see you happy. Keep smiling!!!
I will miss you.

:-(

Tum hamare nahi to kya gum hai??
Hum tumhare to hain, yeh kya kam hai...

????

My new office is cool. The people, colleagues, bosses are co-operative, cordial and warm. The company is a reputed one. The salary is way better than before. The pantry has a better vending machine that can make tea and coffee of 5 different flavours.The washroom is cleaned 3 times a day.The staffs are offered cold drinks and snacks on a few days of the week.
The ACs work all the time even at power-cuts unlike my previous office. The system is fast and my desk is at a corner which gives me th required privacy. The work pressure is considerably less and I even get back home earlier than what I used to in my last company.
Everything seems to be getting right.I should have been more than happy to get this job at my hometown. Mom serves tea in the morning, packs lunch. What more can one ask from life? Such a hassle free life isn't it?
Then why am I not happy. What's stopping me to savour the fruits of all the hard work that I have put all these years? Why am I not satisfied? What am I searching for? Is this what I wanted? Is this the thing I will have to settle for? Why these question fill my mind all the time? where can I have an answer to these stupid, silly questions that clouds my mind and steal the equanimity. I am so tired, so damn tired. Is it so difficult to be happy???

Ever wondered????

Ever wondered how it feels if your position in a person's life changes overnight??
Someone who till yesterday was so close to you, who made you feel that without you his/her life was incomplete. Someone who loved you till yesterday so dearly that you felt on the top of the world. Someone whom you learned to love after witnessing his/her love. Someone who made you feel special, who made you feel that you too are desirable.

What happens when the person and all the feelings changes overnight???
Does life come to a standstill? Does that stop you from loving him/her??
Does it make you feel unimportant and insignificant???

Ever wondered how it would have felt????

Confession

I hate changing myself for someone. I am what I am and will continue to be so. If somebody wants to love me he/she has to accept me the way I am.
I am like grains of sand....the more you want to hold me inside your hand..the faster I will slip out from the gaps between your fingers.
I don't give a shit to what people think about me...you might think I have an attitude problem or I am a snob..I don't mind..This is the way I am and this is my world, my space.

Fuck Off....if you want to change me!!!!

NIGHT SKY

The night sky is so beautiful...................
I had almost forgot how the sky looks like at night.Though an insomniac I remain awake till late hours but I have never bothered to have a glimpse of the sky at night.My late night activities mainly are surfing the net for some bizzare things or pressing the remote of the TV till my thumb starts hurting or just lying down on the couch with my ipod and a book as my only companions.These gadgets and gizmos has taken me far away from nature and its enigmatic beauties.
Last night when I got pissed off with the same old movies and shows on the television and my ipod and computer too failed to lure me I decided to go to the terrace and breathe in some fresh air.This was something I was going to do after ages.sounds funny na???I know it is but this is how my life has become off late.

Well,the first thing I felt when I climbed the last step to my terrace was peace.It was dark,quiet and soo soothing out there that I forgot all my woes and worries within seconds.I paced all over the terrace over and over again and was enthralled by something......I dont know what.I was all alone there and the estranged feeling gave me much comfort.In many years for the first time I felt that I was being myself.........out of the cobwebs of relationships, attachments, expectations, social responsibilities..............blah blah.............phew.
I realised that its important to have time for the ownself.Some little space to breathe,to relax.to chill,time to empty the brain from all thoughts,time to just lie down and stare the night sky.
Everything so beautiful,so mystical..........the clouds,the moon,the stars,the constellations,everything around.
Peace.......eternal peace........few hours there alone and it feels like eternity.
The night sky is so beautiful........

Am sorry that I killed You

On a bright sunny afternoon I heard a loud cry out of the kitchen.I rushed inside to find my mom standing at the corner with a a frightened expression on her face.In her hand she held a long-handled spoon as if it were a weapon for self defense.Bewildered as I asked her what was wrong,she pointed towards the cabinet door of the kitchen.As I examined that area I found a small mice cornered below the cabinet door.The mice cowed out of my mother's shout was trying to hide itself below the cabinet door.It was that cute small rodent that frightened my mother and as I tried to catch hold of it,it jumped over me and quickly ran out of the kitchen.I was nowhere near to its swiftness and all attempts to catch it went in vain.So,my mother finally accepted the fact that she was sharing her flat with an unwelcomed guest......Mr.Jerry,the mice.Yes, I decided to call it Jerry as no name on Earth would be more suitable for him.

As Jerry became familiar with every room and corner of our home complains of his mischiefs from my mother became frequent.His favourite place in the house was undoubtedly the kitchen where he would find ample to eat.My mother refused to share her territory (the kitchen ofcourse) with an outsider and often cursed the rodent in fits of anger.She was helpless as she always failed to catch hold of it and we were too lazy to venture into another attempt.No fooditems,clothes,shoes could be kept out due to the menace as he seem to try tasting every item that came his way.My mom's expensive saree,my younger brother's sneakers,fruits and cakes on the dinig tables were all his victims and they finally took refuge into almirhas,cabinets and refrigarators.

Neighbours suggested of various rat-killers available in the market but my mom was dead against using those.She didnt want to kill the freind/pet of Lord Ganesha.She just wanted to throw the rodent out of the house so that it can never return.This seemed to be an impossible task as nobody was able to catch him.
Days passed,months passed and Jerry became a unwanted though active member of our household.He never came out during the day or when we were around.His best time was during the night when everybody was asleep.He strolled around the house as a king.My mother stopped complaining as she accepted the rodent as a member though unwanted it was.Even the rodent seemed to learn the ways of our house and created lesser havocs and was no more a menace.

One night I got off from my sleep to drink water.I avoid putting on the lights in the middle of the night as it may disturb others.After drinking water While I ws returning to my room in the darkness I felt something below my right feet,as if I had stepped on something.I rushed toward he switchboard and awitched on the light.To my utter astonishment it was the mice.In the darkness I had stepped over it and unable to bear my weight it lied motionless.I screamed out of fear loud enough to wake my parents.As they came rushing they saw the lifeless jerry lying on the floor,bleeding from the nose.My father broke the silence first........'its dead'.Unknowingly,I had killed the cute little mice.Tears rolled down my cheeks as I saw my dad lifting the dead Jerry by its tail.Finally we could catch hold of him........when he was dead.I felt miserable after that incident........like a killer.My mom consoled me saying that it was just an accident and not intentional.I knew that it was just an accident but the cute,little things was no more.I prayed to God asking him to forgive me for this stupid act of mine and promised Him to be careful in the future.My brothers said 'Didi,stop being a drama queen,its just a mice'.They mocked and laughed at me.

I know it was just a mice but even then I never wanted to kill it.Life is precious for every creature.Be it a mice or humans.We dont have any right to kill anybody untill it troubles us reasonably.Jerry didnt trouble me in any way.Unknowingly I have committed a sin and may God forgive me for that.